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The Second Coming, by John Niven
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God takes a look at the Earth around the time of the Renaissance, and everything looks pretty good - so he takes a holiday. In heaven time this is just a week's fishing trip, but on Earth several hundred years go by.
When God returns, he finds all hell has broken loose: world wars, holocausts, famine, capitalism and "fucking Christians everywhere". There's only one thing for it. They're sending the kid back.
JC, reborn, is a struggling musician in New York City, trying to teach the one true commandment: be nice! His best chance to win hearts and minds is to enter American Pop Star. But the number-one show in America is the unholy creation of a record executive who's more than a match for the Son of God...Steven Stelfox.
- Sales Rank: #102096 in Audible
- Published on: 2015-11-05
- Released on: 2015-11-05
- Format: Unabridged
- Original language: English
- Running time: 628 minutes
Most helpful customer reviews
10 of 11 people found the following review helpful.
Be nice
By Sam Quixote
God comes back from his fishing holiday to find that since he's been gone (a few days in Heaven but centuries on Earth) things have gone badly. Looking at what he's missed, He particularly doesn't like the 20th century. God makes up his mind to send Jesus back down to Earth to remind everyone of his one and only rule - "Be Nice" - a rule that Moses decided to ignore and come up with 10 of his own.
Down on Earth, Jesus is 31 years old, in a band, something of a stoner, and being nice to everyone. And then one day "American Pop Star" starts looking for new contestants and Jesus decides to audition. What better way to tell people to "Be Nice" than on the platform of the biggest show on television? After getting accepted, there's a road trip to LA, the rise of Jesus as a music phenomenon, and the inevitable ending...
There was so much I liked about this book. First off, while the opening chapters in Heaven might seem a bit too cartoonish, John Niven quickly establishes strong characters in God and Jesus, the biting dialogue shooting back and forth. Then the dinner in Hell with the Devil was an utterly marvellous scene, the Devil being a superb character in Niven's hands, I would've liked to have seen more of him. You can tell Niven had a fun time populating Hell with some of humanity's latest horrors, now deceased. What he has Hitler doing is especially funny but not as brutal as some of the KKK members or hypocritical Christians.
Speaking of excellent characters, Jesus goes from being a Bill-and-Ted-type stoner to a more rounded person as the chapters fly by and I ended up really liking him. He's funny, well grounded, and is basically a good dude. Niven doesn't have him be overly preachy, or overly good, just be a decent person. And on the flip side is Steven Stelfox (the name is the only thing separating this character from Simon Cowell) who is the nasty British judge on American Pop Star. His rants and screaming sessions before and after the shows were particularly brilliant and reminded me of some of the scenes from Niven's last novel, the superb "Kill Your Friends".
I could write 2000 words on what I liked about this book easily but I'll keep it short. The scenes on the road trip from New York to LA were fantastic, clever, and touching; the scenes on American Pop Star were exciting and funny; and the scenes following in Texas shows Niven's ability to go from comedy to drama to high octane action effortlessly - Niven is a true master of fiction and this book showcases his abilities fantastically.
And the music! You wouldn't believe how well Niven writes music, about how it's performed, how it sounds, without even needing to hear it, you hear it on the page, and it's exhilarating!
I recently read another "Jesus returns!"-type story called "The Final Testament of the Holy Bible" by James Frey, and while that was a decent book, I felt it took itself too seriously and that this lack of humour spoiled the overall message of the book. John Niven's "The Second Coming" is different in that it doesn't question the basics of Christianity - there is a Heaven and Hell, a God and Devil, etc - but it does question some of the dogma of the religion and does so with humour and intelligence. More importantly, it's never repetitive or predictable (except for the end of course), and never once was I bored reading it.
If you're looking for a good book this Easter, hell anytime of the year!, you couldn't do much better than "The Second Coming".
5 of 6 people found the following review helpful.
There is such a thing as Overdoing It
By Meks Librarian
This book was recommended and lent to me for it being cleverly witty and funny, and I must admit it is. I really like the idea behind it:
God takes a short holiday, being of the opinion that things on Earth are going pretty well, only to find upon his return (for him, it was only a week of going fishing, but on Earth, several centuries have passed) that all hell has broken loose. There have been two world wars, genocide, famine, new diseases have developed, slavery is still around, mankind has managed to make a hole in the ozone layer and almost empty His oceans of fish, people are killed for ridiculous reasons in the name of religion (not much different to the Dark Age, really), and there are so-called "Christians" everywhere, making a farce out of what God truly meant when he chiselled that first beautiful stone plate in slanting copperplate with the words "Be Nice".
There are two ways God can go from here: Start all over (that's what John and Peter advise him to do), or send His son down again, giving His creation a second chance to learn the true meaning of "Be Nice". God decides on the latter, and Jesus is sent to Earth once more.
There are some brilliant bits in the conversations between God and His team in Heaven. As I said, I really like the idea behind the book, BUT I don't like how that idea is executed: there is such an inflationary use of the f-word, and there seems to be quite a fixation on all things anal, that I honestly couldn't bear reading the entire book, brilliant ideas or not. Don't get me wrong, I am certainly not a prude and use the occasional expletive myself, but there is something like overdoing it. And in my opinion, unfortunately, John Niven has been overdoing it in this book. There is hardly a paragraph without the f-word in it; hardly a sentence, come to think of it.
So, although I fully appreciate the humour (and, at the same time, seriousness) in the descriptions of what our world has come to, I will not keep on reading this, but am going to return it to the person who lent it to me.
1 of 1 people found the following review helpful.
Funny, irreverent, and carries a good message
By mixtwitch
I would recommend this to anyone who doesn't take their religion too seriously/literally. The first section of the book had me laughing out loud - it's worth the price just for that part alone. It then calms down a bit and becomes a good story, with lots of commentary on today's lifestyle. If you've read Niven's other books, you may recognise other characters that come up. All in all, it's a very good stab at what might happen if Jesus came back to today's world.
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