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! Ebook Free Fightball: Dying of Suck, by Kris Wehrmeister

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Fightball: Dying of Suck, by Kris Wehrmeister

Fightball: Dying of Suck, by Kris Wehrmeister



Fightball: Dying of Suck, by Kris Wehrmeister

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Fightball: Dying of Suck, by Kris Wehrmeister

FIRST IN A SERIES: Fightball: Dying of Suck ... is the exaggerated and hyperbolic and mildly fictionalized story of Maj and Kallan, two wildly intelligent and hilarious sisters who navigate life from opposite ends of every point of view. Narrated by their mother, Fightball: Dying of Suck is a book about children for readers of all ages. This first Fightball installment chronicles, as Maj describes it, "The time our family threw our lives up into the air and moved to Oregon." Kallan, who is prone to falsehoods, hints that there are vampires and dragons and magic spells (there are none of these), because, she insists, "Marketing is all about bait and switch."

A note to long-time readers of Pretty All True ... some of the stories in Fightball appeared first (and in altered form) on Pretty All True, although they have since been taken down. I offer this simply by way of disclosure, as Fightball: Dying of Suck stands on its own and then some.

  • Sales Rank: #117356 in eBooks
  • Published on: 2015-11-03
  • Released on: 2015-11-03
  • Format: Kindle eBook

Review
"I will just stay here, living under a bridge, with the wolves, starving to death because of humor writer's block. Ironically, I will be laughing like a crazy person as I read and reread Fightball: Dying of Suck, especially the bits I have highlighted for emergency use." - Bill Moore of Hogs Ate My Sister

"As I read [Fightball: Dying of Suck], I wished I was there to watch the stories unfold. Her daughters' dramatic over-excitabilities coupled with their mother's uncanny ability to address situations with calculated dialog makes you pause and bust out laughing. You won't be disappointed."  - Jen Hajer of The Martha Project

"WARNINGS: Do not eat or drink while reading. Empty your bladder before picking the book up...if you have a weak bladder, grab a package of depends. Uncontrollable laughing, snorting, and guffawing will have you gasping for breath!" - Lynn Moore from Off the Grid

"Fightball: Dying of Suck is the funniest book in the history of ever. Read it you fools & fall in love with me over the laughter." - Cathy Joy Westley from The Invisible World

Review Add

About the Author
Kris Wehrmeister is the long-time author of the blog Pretty All True, at which she offers a mixture of humor, memoir, and literary fiction. Kris is a used-to-be attorney, mother of two daughters, and wife to one man. She lives in Lake Oswego, Oregon, where she spends her time arguing with her daughters Maj and Kallan, who are brilliant and obstreperous. When her daughters are at school, Kris argues with the dogs, of which there are three - Jack the Terrier, Persie the Labrador, and Hazel the Weimaraner. Additionally, although no one would describe Kris as a "people-person," she occasionally meets with friends for beer or coffee accompanied by petty disagreements, of which she is fond. Kris knows all the lyrics to all the songs, and she sings along. Always. In her spare time, Kris writes.

Most helpful customer reviews

5 of 5 people found the following review helpful.
More like "Dying of Awesome"
By Rodney Lacroix
Hysterical. Awesome. Hysterically Awesome. Awesomely hysterical. I wish there were more ways to arrange those adjectives. "Fightball: Dying of Suck" is such an incredibly funny, warm and honest book that makes me jealous it doesn't have my name listed as the author.

If you're a fan of her "Pretty All True" blog, this is the exact thing you've been waiting for. If you're unfamiliar with Kris' Internet presence, then consider yourself about to be wooed by her storytelling and ridiculously spot-on comedic timing. The fact that she LIVES this is simply icing on the cake. I can guarantee you that you're going to be drawn in and hooked for life.

I can't recommend this book highly enough. You're going to love every word of it.

5 of 5 people found the following review helpful.
Show no fear, and do not look the children directly in the eye...
By Sebastian Malloy
I'm not saying that these children are wilder than you (they are), or that their mother is smarter than you (she is), or that their father is the bravest man in the universe (he is)... actually, I am saying that. I am also saying that you should buy this book, for one of two reasons: 1) to love these children in spite of their insanity (which is certainly not genetic and cannot be blamed on their mother in any way at all); or 2) to convince you that perhaps instead of having children of your own, a troop of wild gibbons would be a reasonable and sane alternative.

I love these children.

I would not want them for my own.

But I love them as long as they keep sitting right across the table where I can keep my eye on them.

4 of 4 people found the following review helpful.
'FIGHTBALL: DYING OF SUCK' -- All the 'Funny' in the Entire Universe Smashed into One HILARIOUS Book. Seriously.
By HogsAteMySister
It's been a totally s***ty week. Your job has sucked big time. The kids are driving you mental. And there is NO wine in the house. But it DOES NOT MATTER. That's because of "Fightball: Dying of Suck". And there is nothing better on the face of Planet Earth than Kris Wehrmeister writing about her deranged, dysfunctional, wonderful family. Nothing. Better. On. Planet. Earth. (OK, after craft beer and wine, there is nothing better on Earth.)

If you have followed Kris' blog, Pretty All True, you will want to hug her new book and dance with it all the way to the booze fridge. Because "Fightball: Dying of Suck" takes you back to the beginning, and in the best possible way. It all seems shiny and new. Kris has reworked and honed and polished and hammered and gilded the absolute crap out of her children. I mean, out of the stories about her children. She lets Maj and Kallan run riot for approaching 260 pages.

I have never known anyone to use comedic dialogue like Kris. She has perfect pitch for dialogue, perfect pacing for humor. Witness this single exchange between the LOUD BOLDFACE CAPS, TIGHTLY WOUND, SUPER SMART OLDER CHILD, MAJ, and Kallan, 8, the funniest, sneakiest, biggest liar in the land of daughters:

MAJ:

“SOMEONE HAS TO PARENT THAT GIRL! SHE HAS JUMPED INTO THE CHAOS CHASM! THERE ARE RULES! THERE ARE RULES BY WHICH PEOPLE ABIDE. SHE NEEDS TO ABIDE OR DIE... KALLAN CRASHED INTO ME AND THEN HURLED ME INTO THE BUSHES AND THE PRICKERS. YES MOTHER, SHE HURLED ME. I AM PROBABLY COVERED IN POISON OAK AND YOU DON'T EVEN CARE. I. COULD. HAVE. BEEN. KILLED. PUNISH HER!”

Kallan:

"It's a small path, Mom... It's skinny... There's not much room for passing... And then she was calling me a baby on a baby bike... And so I passed her and she fell... Maybe I called her shortie. Maybe I called her a midget on a clown bike... OK. I pushed her over. It was a tiny push, and she was all slowed down to name-call at that moment, so she only crashed and stomped around dragging her bicycle in the weeds and screaming about poison..."

For me, and probably for you, it is physically impossible to read this book and not laugh out loud. Not kidding. So, if you read it on a plane, or while waiting for your therapist, or yet another parent-teacher special meeting, be prepared to chuckle and laugh and then guffaw. People will stare at you. But it will be worth it. It so will.

If you are not one of the cool kids who has loved Pretty All True from the beginning, don't worry. Somehow, she quickly pulls you into her family's unique brand of surreal life insanity. In mere pages, you will think, "Dear Lord, how does this woman survive?" And "all things considered, my kids are really not that bad."

Kris Wehrmeister's writing, pace and voice are truly her own. She is as unique and wonderful in her own "space" as are Allie Brosh (Hyperbole and a Half) and The Bloggess. (She will hate me saying this but, I dare say, if you love these humorists, you will love Kris.) One day, you will find out about Kris' brokenness, and you will understand how she came to have this amazing talent. For now, you will laugh. And snort.

We owe Kris big time -- way more than the cover price of her book. She has made this the EASIEST CHRISTMAS SHOPPING EVER. Your true friends will laugh so hard they will get snot-nosed. And if they are also drinking wine, they will laugh until they snort. Been there. Done that.

DISCLOSURE. I have already read my copy three times. I even highlighted it. You should, too. So when you have been dumped or fired or shat upon from a great height, and you will soon be living under a bridge, with the wolves, you can just read a few highlighted bits from MAJ or Kallan and, POOF, all the bad s*** just won't matter anymore. Because Kris' words have magic. They so do. Enjoy.

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